We Judge Appearances

I am currently reading Nobody’s Princess by Esther Friesner. The book is a spin off on the famous story, the Iliad, by Homer. The book takes place in Sparta and is from the point of view of Helen, as a young girl growing up. She was beautiful even as then and, in these stories, she is to one day become the queen of Sparta. Everyone loves Helen for her beauty and always speaks of how she is almost as “beautiful as Aphrodite” (the Greek goddess of beauty and love). The one person who dislikes Helen for her beauty is her paternal twin sister, Clytemnestra. Clytemnestra was the one who always tried her hardest to do everything right. She sews, carts wool and uses the loom. She has to be the perfect little ten year old. Even then Clytemnestra feels like she is living in the shadow of Helen. Helen is the beautiful one as well as the future queen. She gets all the attention without even trying. This makes Clytemnestra upset. Why should she have to do all of this work to get attention when Helen can simply enter a room and have all eyes turn towards her? On one hand I think Clytemnestra’s resentment towards her sister who did nothing wrong is unjust. At the same time my heart goes out to her. She has to put up with so much just to get people to notice her. It isn’t her fault that her sister is incredibly beautiful. Just because she isn’t as “pretty” doesn’t mean she has less value. As much as society has changed since Ancient Greece, one thing that hasn’t is how much we value appearance.

            Lets not deny it; we care about how we look. I know I spend plenty time in the morning doing my hair and make-up just right and picking out the right outfit for that day. We are a nation of dieters, calorie counters, acne medication commercials and weight loss products, not because we want to be healthier, but because we want to look nicer. We make judgments about people and things often before even speaking just because of how they look. It matters to us. Clytemnestra had to work hard to make people glance at her while Helen didn’t have to try at all. Is that really fair? Clytemnestra should not have to work five times harder then Helen just to get people to look her way because Helen is considered more beautiful. That isn’t right. Just like it is not right that someone should get picked on in a school because they are not considered “pretty”. No matter what people say, we care about appearances and we judge people on them, and it is not okay.

            Part of why we judge peoples appearance has to do with genetics. Some people say it is human nature or natural selection. Maybe that is true. But giving that as a reason for judging a person based on appearance just sounds like laziness to me. We are human beings with highly functioning brains. We don’t HAVE to judge people. We choose to, because it’s easier. In truth it’s difficult to not judge people’s appearances and I wont ask anyone to never judge an appearance. I have just one simple request: Try to not judge. Next time you catch yourself judging a person’s appearance, step back and ask yourself what you really know about them. You might be surprised.

Pathfinder-Scapegoats

I am currently reading Pathfinder by Orson Scott Card. The book is about a boy named Rigg who has the ability to see all the paths people having taken. Anywhere he is, he can see the path of any living thing that has ever walked anywhere around him. This skill is particularly useful to him when he is crossing a dangerous river. He can see all the attempts to cross the river and which resulted in the fewest number people falling into the river. A little boy tries to go across a path that Rigg knows is incredibly dangerous. When the boy falls in, Rigg tries to save him. The boy’s older brother, Umbo, is watching and misinterprets what happens. He believes that Rigg killed his little brother. Umbo rushes back to the town and tells everyone that Rigg is a murderer. A mob assembles to hunt Rigg down. Even after Rigg has explained what really happened and Umbo says he was wrong, the mob still wants to find an excuse to kill Rigg. Something terrible has happened and they just want someone to blame, guilty or not.

            This is something that happens all the time. Bad things happen and people want a scapegoat. They don’t want to blame themselves or just bad luck, because they are angry, and you can’t punch bad luck in the face. Recently there was a shooting in Arizona. Six people were killed and thirteen were injured. The target was congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and it was suspected to be politically motivated. As soon as this happened, the right wing media started blaming the left; the left wing media started blaming the right. Everyone wanted to pin it on someone other then themselves.  This is something that we cannot do. Rather then arguing over whose fault this shooting was, we should be taking precaution to stop this from happening again. In Pathfinder, rather then trying to kill Rigg, they should be trying to make sure that kids don’t play near that river. If people don’t just blame each other then they could actually get around to solving the problems at hand. Creating a scapegoat may make you feel better, but it won’t solve your problems.

The Friend's Dilemma

*WARNING: THIS PARAGRAPH CONTAINS SPOILERS*

I am currently reading Carter’s Big Break by Ben Crawford. The book is about a kid named Carter who gets the lead in a big movie opposite teen sensation Hilary Idaho. While they are shooting the two of them become friends and Carter begins to suspect that he may be the only real friend she has, famous or otherwise. Hillary has a lot of issues though. She drinks, does drugs and has just come back from rehab for alcohol abuse. Carter smells booze on her breath and he doesn’t know what to do. No one else seems to care as long as she performs in the movie. He feels that he will be responsible if anything happens because she was drinking and he didn’t stopping it. This made me think about what I call the friend’s dilemma.

The friend’s dilemma is when your friend is doing something that is harmful (to themselves or others) and you are aware of it. What do you do? If you do nothing, then are you partially responsible for anything that happens because of what your friend did? You did just stand by and watched them hurt themselves or let them hurt someone else. On one hand you should not be held responsible for another persons actions. They are their own human being and beyond your control. On the other hand if you just stand by and let something happen then you are responsible because you did nothing. You let someone get hurt and you could have stopped it.

 But what if you try to do something but it’s not enough? When does all responsibility lift off the shoulders of the friend?  This is a hard question partly because it varies from situation to situation. There really is no right answer. However, in the eyes of the friend, it is often their fault no matter how hard they tried to help.

In a perfect world people wouldn’t do bad things and everyone would be responsible for their actions alone. This is not the case however. We are responsible for bad things that happen if we had the power to stop them. In the end if you really care about someone then you will try to help them in anyway you can, whether they want the help or not.

Because I am Furniture-Victim or Witness?

I am currently reading a book called Because I am Furniture by Thalia Chaltas. The book is about a girl named Anke who is the youngest of three in a family where the father is abusive and violent. She is the only person in the house who is not beaten, raped or both. She sometimes envies her brother and sister’ s attention from their father because at least they are worth the trouble of a beating, while she is entirely invisible. This makes me wonder if it would be better if she was beat up by her father too, or if she should be grateful he leaves her alone. Is bad attention better then no attention?

On one hand she isn’t attacked physically the same way her brother and sister are. On the other hand she is still forced to live in a house where her family is attacked and she can’t do anything to stop it. Her father may not rape her, but she has to listen to him rape her sister almost every night knowing that she can’t do anything to stop him. When her father finds out that she is playing volleyball despite him saying she can’t, he yells at and beats her brother for it instead of her. She has to be a silent witness to terrible things while she is ignored entirely.  Her father doesn’t physically hurt her but just makes her feel worthless. This is worse then getting beat up by him because at least that way her brother and sister know he is angry with them. With Anke he acts like he doesn’t care. You have to care to be angry.

Anke’s house is a terrible place to live. Her family members are the victims of abuse while her father charms everyone outside it. She is the only witness to her fathers abuse that isn’t being beaten to a pulp. She is the only one who can see it with enough distance to know how wrong it is, but still craves her father’s attention. And that is much worse then almost anything he could do to her body.